I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
