Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
