Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We left the knife in your bed.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
