you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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