dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
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Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
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An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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