I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
