Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
