Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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