i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize