weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
