Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
