my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
