my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
