Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Randomize
