last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
