If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
