Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
