u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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