Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
