I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
two words...techno handjob
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
