i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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