I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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