Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
