dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
it's like iHOP with fire
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
No subtext here. People are naked.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
