If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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