It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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