put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
