remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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