You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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