i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
