i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
