I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
