Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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