I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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