The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Of course I have a pirate flag
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
