... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
