the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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