Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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