I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
