She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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