I hate all girls vehemently.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
