all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
