And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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