My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
