So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
