my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
