just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
