oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
