Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
This girl is more easily done than said...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
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