now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
