its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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