this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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