why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
