farters have to be the big spoon...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Text me some of your sweat
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
