I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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