Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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