The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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