Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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