So drunk, too bad you don't want this
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
