i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
