They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
