So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
