im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Four minutes until I can fart!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
