fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
