oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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