Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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