your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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