real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
