well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
