i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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