Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You ruined the universe
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
